i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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