these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
