did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
