Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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