ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
