why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
