I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
