A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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