STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
My liver just broke up with me...
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
