I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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