i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
