I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Randomize
