covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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