Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
