the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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