just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
