Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I need a beard to bite.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize