How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
