I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
