Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
