I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
