I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
