When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
