yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
