Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Vodka?
Forever.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
