anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
