You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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