I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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