Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
