If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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