I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
