were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize