phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
