I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
