bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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