So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize