I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
