Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize