The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize