He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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