then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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