What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
