Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
