I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
