Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
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