all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
