My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
