my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You ate ashes out of my bong
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
