End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
