Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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