what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Welp...herpes.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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