It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
