the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
