I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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