1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
