Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize