The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
