It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
