How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
