HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
