I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
