I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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