Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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