Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
