he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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