what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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