Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
third nipple confirmed
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
