your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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