I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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