her facebook's as public as her vagina
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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