Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
did i walk over a car last night?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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