my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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